by Veera Mahajan
Verbal aggressiveness may be defined as use of strong words and tone to shut the other person down or make them back off in order to maintain control and show power.
Verbal aggressiveness can be borderline abusive and sometimes abusive with insults and putdowns that can easily turn into verbal and physical violence.
I scored 48/100 on the verbal aggressiveness scale. I never insult and almost never like to fight back with a stubborn or aggressive person. If possible I like to talk things out and find out what is bothering them. I have no problem apologizing if I have hurt someone unintentionally. I will never intentionally say or do something to hurt another. I usually back off if I do not like someone’s behavior.
I do not take insults sitting down. I do not let people disrespect me. I will make a point to let them know that they are bothering me, or that I am not happy with their behavior, but then I will walk away. I do not believe in yelling or using any kind of violence. I consider it abusive. I do not like to spend time on a dysfunctional relationship whether it is personal or business. I do not let verbal conflicts get to a point where they may turn to verbal abuse or physical abuse. If I feel that a relationship is not good for my growth, I walk away from it.
If I feel that a relationship is important to me then I put in every effort to resolve the conflict. I am always willing to communicate and find out how we can find a win-win situation. If I have to make a compromise to save the situation for the long-term relationship without giving in too much or losing my respect, I will make that compromise.
I like to use assertiveness in all communication. If I feel there is a conflict, I try to resolve it as soon as possible. I do not believe in letting conflicts be left unresolved for a long time because I know that is how minor conflicts become resentments that can really hurt relationships and people. It is hard to hold any kind or relationship with a person who I feel I cannot communicate with. It is hard to know and trust motivations if you have to be afraid of verbal aggression or violence.
If someone is verbally aggressive and does not want to hear what I have to say, instead of getting into a verbal or physical aggressive argument, I would like to use S-TLC (Stop – think, listen and communicate) to deal with their verbal aggressiveness.
I usually tell them, I cannot talk to you when you are loud. I have to take a break and we can talk when you are ready to communicate peacefully and respectfully.
That gives me time to think more about the situation and find other options of how I can communicate effectively. If I know I am right, I do b not compromise. I hold my ground in my communication but I am never insulting. I try to remember that they have their point of view and I always listen to that. I make sure they know I am not ignoring what they have to say.
If there is room for co-operation or collaboration I am always open to it.
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