by Hermine Hilton

Did a friend say something to you today that made you feel bad?

Did your boss get on your case?

Maybe your lover hurt your feelings.

Do you think to yourself, “How could they make me feel like that?”

Well, in actuality they didn’t. They may have said or done something that was insensitive or mean — you have no control over that. But you do have control over how you react.

And reacting negatively to what others say can affect your sense of wellness. The best way to gain control over your reactions and stop wasting emotional energy on such negativity is to know yourself. Take an honest look at your strengths and your  weaknesses. Then, you can reflect on negative input from others in an objective way.

You can decide that either the other person has a point —that they have indeed hit upon an area that you need to work on —or that they’re just trying to get a reaction out of you , in which case, you can refuse to play that game.

We all have our sensitive subjects, our issues, and there are people who, for one reason or another, feel the need to push our buttons. In many cases you may not be the only one they’re doing a number on, but perhaps you’re the only one dancing to it. Don’t get sucked in.

Before automatically reacting, think. Are they right? Then work on fixing it. If not, perhaps they need some fixing. That’s not your problem. You can’t change them. What you can  do is change your reaction. Do this and you may be surprised at how much more energy you have to spend on productive thoughts.

Many times, when someone persists in trying to force their opinions on you, opinions that do not reside in your own emotional neighborhood , it is best not to react at all.

That means it is best not to answer back . Your answering back often makes you look as though you’re in a frustrated state of denial (never a good state to be in) and makes you vulnerable to receiving more  discomfiting verbiage. The stress that emanates from this back and forth is highly unhealthy and damaging to your entire being. It is far better to

ignore the abusive dialogue and tune out. Learn to ignore and segue away from desultory detritus.

Keep in mind that many of the human quantity who seem to be able to make you bananas, really do not intend to hurt you at all. They just have their own way of thinking and ,in fact, are not able to understand and cannot handle it when others do not agree. They usually can’t change their ways as they simply don’t know a different way to be.

And if they can’t change their ways, then surely you can’t change them either.

Change yourself instead by—————-